Birthdays and other slippery slopes

You know, birthdays can be tricky things. My birthday was last week, and though I was blessed by the warm thoughts and actions of many people, I was still tempted to feel sorry for myself. Daniel had his annual allergy appointment that day, so we had to get up early, pack the car, and make the two hour trip to see our allergist. Then, we had to sit in a doctor’s office for several hours, while Daniel was examined and had blood drawn. It was wearing. It was stressful. It wasn’t what I wanted for my birthday. Several other circumstances added up to make that day and actually, that entire week difficult. During church yesterday morning, I just wanted to hang my head and cry.

What did I want for my birthday? Well, I wanted to feel special. I wanted to be pampered. I wanted to be free of responsibilities. I didn’t just want these things…I felt entitled to them. It was my one day of the year! Was it too much to ask? I brought these things before the Lord, and He did provide comfort, though not exactly in the way I expected. After reading my Bible and praying, this was the message I felt God was showing me.

I must have absolute confidence in His loving care. God loves me. He knows my heart’s desires. He can be trusted to meet my needs. At church my hymnal fell open to the song, God Will Take Care of You. If I believe that God will take care of me, then I am freed from the need to be selfish…to demand that my needs be met…to grasp for rest or fulfillment or whatever. If I believe He will take care of me, I am able to roll with the punches. I am able to take my eyes off myself, and place them on Jesus and His interests in others.

The other thing God pressed upon my heart was to praise Him. Praise is the fastest way into God’s presence. It reminds us of how awesome He is, how faithful He has been, and how much we have been given. It restores the right perspective to our hearts.

Earlier I mentioned that I felt “entitled” to special treatment because it was my birthday. I have found that you are on a slippery slope whenever you feel entitled to anything. All too often feelings of entitlement lead to feelings of disappointment or resentment. It helps me to remember that Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve. One of his last acts before the crucifixion was to wash the disciples’ feet. My Savior and King washed dirty, stinking feet. That kind of throws my “entitlements” out the window!

In truth, my birthday had many joyous things about it. I am so thankful for the caring family and friends that God has placed around me. I love you all!

My stay-at-home story

A couple months ago, I ran across Amy’s blog at The Finer Things. I really enjoyed perusing her site, and I quickly became a regular there. She posts some excellent recipes and kitchen tips. We actually made her brown bag burritos last night, and I had her lazy granola for breakfast this morning. Yum! Recently, she has been doing a series called, “Mommy, Come Home.” I have been inspired and encouraged by the posts that she and other moms have written. She offered the opportunity for other moms to share their stay-at-home stories, so I decided to write mine. Here it is. And if you have time, click over to Amy’s blog and check out the entire series.

I always knew I would quit my job and stay home with our children. My mom had stayed home with my brother and me. My husband’s mom stayed home with him. My heart told me it was the right path for us. Even though I felt so assured about this, the road to staying home had its challenges. I like having a plan for everything, and my plan was to finish my master’s degree and work as a school counselor awhile before we had children. However, I was six months into my master’s program when I felt God’s nudge to have children. I awoke one morning with an amazingly vivid dream still in my mind. In the dream, a doctor was urging Brian and me to have children immediately. Now, I don’t usually put much stock into dreams, but I couldn’t get this one out of my mind. Over the next few weeks, things kept happening that seemed to shout “Have a baby now!” Finally, I committed the whole issue to prayer. Was this the Lord speaking to me or just a bunch of crazy coincidences? After several months and lots of prayer, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was time for us to have children. Convincing my husband took a little while, and then it took some time to get pregnant, but in February of 2008 our son Daniel arrived.

Becoming a new mother was a wonderful, yet exhausting experience for me. I never knew that my heart could hold so much love. The joy was great, but we had some trials too. Daniel was colicky and did not sleep much for weeks. Being at home with a crying baby all day, every day was challenging. I remember at one point sobbing and saying, “My life is no longer my own!” And then this thought came clearly into my mind: my life never was my own. It always has and always will belong to God. That revelation brought peace and perspective to my heart.

Daniel is now 20 months old, and he is a delightful toddler. He learns new things every day, and I have the joy and privilege of watching him develop. I would not trade this time for anything. ANYTHING. It doesn’t matter that the money is tight or that homemaking chores are sometimes monotonous. It doesn’t matter that my degree is still incomplete (though I am praying about how and when to finish it). What does matter is that I am following God and doing what is best for our family. I am so grateful to have this opportunity!

This is my story. Many mamas have different stories that are just as right and just as joyful. God is the only One who knows what your “right” story is. I pray you find it, and that you are blessed.

Beauty from yucca

We have really been struggling with Daniel’s sleeping lately. As many of you know, sleep has been a constant issue around our house since Daniel was born. He is still not sleeping through the night, but sometimes he does better than others. Well, this is not one of those “better” times. He is teething. He is transitioning from two naps to one. He had a virus recently. I am not sure what else has contributed to this bump in the road, but to make a long story short, I am tired.

A few mornings ago, Daniel woke for the day just before 5 a.m. Needless to say, I was not ready to get out of bed. I grumpily drug myself through our morning routine, feeling kind of miffed at God. Doesn’t the Bible say that He gives his beloved rest? Doesn’t He love me? Doesn’t He notice I am about ready to collapse from exhaustion?

Later that morning, Daniel and I ventured outside. He had been begging to go, and I thought perhaps the fresh air would revive me. As we walked through the yard, we happened upon some stray morning glories. Have you ever noticed that morning glory leaves are perfect hearts? I felt God whispering, “I do love you. I do have your best interests in mind.”

I began feeling a little better. Then, Daniel and I came to our yucca plants. Now, Brian is the one who planted the yuccas, and I have never been exactly fond of them. They seem kind of southwestern…like something you might find in the Taco Bell parking lot. Anyway, this particular morning our yucca had broken forth with the most beautiful white blossoms. Daniel grabbed one in his little hand to admire it, and I found myself gently touching one too. They were beautiful. And then a snippet of scripture came to mind: “to give them beauty for ashes.” The Lord can take any situation and create beauty from it. Even beauty from yucca! Now, I fully realize that sleeplessness does not rank high on the list of hardships some people suffer. But, at this moment on this day, I felt the Lord bringing beauty into my relatively small hardship.

Later that evening, I looked up scriptures that contain “my strength” in them…because the Lord is really my strength…not 8 hours of uninterrupted rest…though I keep praying for that too. :) Here are some verses I am hoping to commit to memory. Maybe they will help those other sleep-deprived moms out there too.

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Isaiah 12:2
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."

Habakkuk 3:19
The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.

Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:19
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Proverbs 31 woman meets Mary

Several weeks ago I finished studying the book of Proverbs. I have been mulling that infamous last chapter over in my mind ever since. I think most women feel slightly discouraged after reading about the Proverbs 31 woman. Who can measure up to that? In my quest to answer that question, the Lord led me to a different Bible story, Luke 10:38-42. It is the story of two sisters: Mary, who sat at Jesus’ feet, and Martha, who was busy serving. Jesus said that Mary had chosen the good part…the better part. It almost seems like Proverbs 31 and Luke 10 contradict one another, doesn’t it? As I prayed, I felt the Lord showing me how these two stories coincide. We are to care for our families, to provide for our households, to work diligently. But, we are also to spend time sitting at Jesus’ feet. The way we balance these two behaviors is by abiding with and listening to the Lord. We must dedicate our schedules to Him…day by day…moment by moment…praying it through each morning and committing it to the Lord each night. Our ears must be tuned into the Lord’s still, small voice…those gentle promptings that guide us through each day. Our hearts must look to and lean on the Holy Spirit. Our minds must choose to trust that God will lead us if we are willing to follow.

I am horrible at doing the above. Dedicating my schedule (and my life) to the Lord does not come naturally to me. But then again, complete dependence on the Holy Spirit does not come naturally to any of us here on earth. However, I am realizing it is the only way to have life and to have it abundantly. And that is what my heart truly longs for…abundant, passionate, God-glorifying life.

Thinking back

After Daniel was born, I began keeping a detailed journal to document his babyhood. Today, I was reading back over some of it and came to this passage, written when he was 4 weeks old: “Today I took Daniel to the doctor. He cried inconsolably for almost eight hours last night.”

Yikes! Those were some trying times. Daniel sure was colicky those first couple months. And to make matters worse, I was struggling with post-partum depression. It took hindsight for me to realize that post-partum depression was what happened to me. You know, things seldom look like how you think they will. I didn’t exactly feel depressed. I felt afraid of some undefined horror. As the sun went down, I could almost feel my body tensing and my mood dipping. I couldn’t sleep…even during those rare times when Daniel was slumbering. I would lie in bed with wide eyes, almost shaking, wanting to crawl out of my skin. In my mind, post-partum depression happened to people who were more emotional…less stable. Not someone like me who was a counseling student and knew all the signs of depression. How ignorant and prideful I can be.

The only things that helped was reading Scripture and having Brian and my mom pray for me. Ugh. I would much rather have gone through labor and delivery again than to suffer through those dark nights of depression. However, about three weeks after Daniel was born, it was like the fog began to lift. In addition, Daniel’s colic eased substantially within the next month. I still remember going to church for the first time after he was born. It was Easter Sunday…Daniel was six weeks old. Brian and I were so apprehensive because Daniel had rarely (if ever) gone an entire waking hour without crying. We sat off to one side of the sanctuary, hoping and praying that Daniel would do alright. The little guy did more than alright. He smiled engagingly at the choir as they walked by him. He seemed to enjoy the singing at the beginning of the service, and then he slept quite contentedly through the sermon. We were so relieved!

I am not sure why I am blogging about all this now. I know that many couples have babies with longer lasting colic than ours. And I know that some women suffer from much worse post-partum depression. But these things seemed very major to us! When I got pregnant, the Lord gave me this passage:

Isaiah 43:1-2
But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“ Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.

God kept His promise. He always keeps His promises.

Thoughts

"Nothing else but this seeing God in everything will make us loving and patient with those who annoy and trouble us. They will be to us then only the instruments for accomplishing His tender and wise purposes toward us, and we shall even find ourselves at last inwardly thanking them for the blessings they bring."
-Hannah Whitall Smith

I found this quote several days ago, and God keeps bringing it back to my mind. I am continually tempted to put “my plans” ahead of other people. My personality is one that likes order and schedules and lists. When someone or something gets in the way of accomplishing my list, I can become irritated. But, as Hannah Whitall Smith reminds us, everything is from the hand of God. He is above all and in all circumstances of our lives. My ministry here on this earth is not to have my to-do list complete. It is to care for and minister to those people God places in my path. And how much more wonderful it is to minister to others than to bury oneself in insignificant work.

So, do I let the housework go? Do I stop cooking and doing laundry? Unfortunately, I do not believe those are the answers either. The Bible warns against laziness too! And besides, I want our home to be a comfortable haven where we can relax, have family gatherings, and entertain friends. The answer is to put God in charge of my plans…my days…my priorities. My goal is to do the task at hand but recognize that interruptions are from God. I must abide so closely with the Lord that His plans become my plans.

I think it might take me awhile (like the rest of my life) to get this one right. Fortunately, we serve a patient and merciful God! :)

Our hope

During these days of economic turmoil, it is easy to allow worry and fear to cloud our vision. But the Lord has given us some wonderful promises. Our hope is in Him...not financial security...not a new president...not this world.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8

I have been young, and now am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his descendants begging bread. Psalm 37:25

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord. Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:3-5

Promises from Proverbs

Have you ever read the book of Proverbs? And if you have, did you believe it? I mean, really believe it? I recently decided to study Proverbs, and I am amazed by the blessings promised to those who seek wisdom and follow God’s commands. Check out these verses. They just blow my mind!

Proverbs 1:33
Whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.

Proverbs 3:1-2
My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.

Proverbs 3:9-10
Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.

Proverbs 3:13-18
Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.

Now, I know enough to be cautious when people proclaim that following God brings wealth, health, and happiness. Sometimes, God allows us to experience hardship. However, I believe from the bottom of my heart that the above verses are true. Listening to God…keeping His commands… tithing… seeking wisdom…these actions bring blessing. I am praying for the courage to obey so that I can reap the fruits God has promised.

Praises!

This morning I fired up the iTunes and began listening to some praise music. "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" was one of the first songs to play:

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

My heart was overwhelmed by the blessings God has poured on us this past year. What undeserved mercies and love He lavishes on His children. Here are some of our family's significant events from 2008:

February: Our precious son Daniel Scott was born, and our lives completely changed forever! He is the source of so much joy and laughter. Praise the Lord!


March: Brian's grandmother passed away. We thank the Lord for her life and her positive influence on her family. Brian has many fond memories of his grandparents, and they did much to shape him into the person he is today. During March, my grandfather also had open heart surgery. He has recovered completely and is back to his normal activities.

Summer: Brian's position changed at work. He now works primarily in the sales department, and we are blessed that he has a company truck to drive back and forth.


September: Daniel was baptized! The service was blessed, and our little man did incredibly well in front of the congregation. He was almost jovial!


November: We finally discovered what was causing Daniel's frequent hive outbreaks. He is allergic to peanuts and eggs, and also has mild allergies to milk and dogs. We continue to pray that he outgrows all of these allergies with time.

December: We celebrated our first Christmas with Daniel. Isn't the Santa suit adorable?

Righteousness

The Lord has been speaking the same message to me for several days now. It has to do with righteousness…with fulfillment…with joy. The verse in my devotional this morning sums it up nicely.

Galatians 3:3
Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?

I have been walking with the Lord for quite awhile. And still…still I try to create righteousness for myself with my own two hands. It never works. It never will work. So why do I, and most everyone in this world, keep trying?

Here is how it affects me. I am a perfectionist. I feel fulfilled and satisfied when everything around me is organized, put away, finished. I have this constant drive to “get things done.” I love marking things off my to-do list. Now, perhaps these traits are not bad in and of themselves. But, what I find so tempting is to place my happiness and self-worth on these very external, worldly things. And I can NEVER get everything done or have everything just exactly as I want it. My to-do list is never complete.

At our prayer group last week, my mom said the most profound thing. I knew it was straight from the mouth of God when she spoke it. She said that God does not want us resting in a righteousness that is not His righteousness. Ahhh…righteousness. My only righteousness comes from being washed clean by the blood of Christ. It most certainly does not come from having a clean house, organized closets, perfect relationships, etc.

My dear cousin Melody wrote something in her blog several months ago that really spoke to this phenomenon. She said, “It doesn’t have to be just so, for it to be so sweet.” Life (like my house) is not neat and tidy. Praise God that our joy does not rest on circumstances being perfect. True joy and peace come only from following Jesus. Ahhh...what a relief!

When Sleep Is Withheld

The past few nights have been rather sleepless for me. Daniel is struggling with a cold and has not been sleeping well. Even when he is slumbering peacefully, I have been unable to sleep. I cried out to God (and anyone else who would listen). How can I go on like this? I have not had one full night of sleep in nine months. It cannot be good for my body…not to mention my mental functioning!

This morning, my eyes happened to fall on a poem written by Ruth Bell Graham, entitled “When Sleep Is Withheld.” She talks about when God asks for our nights. We have the choice to take the easy path or the blessed path. Suddenly, a load was lifted from my shoulders. Sleep, like all good things, comes from the hand of God. He is completely aware of my physical needs as well as my spiritual ones. Perhaps this time has been ordained for greater blessing…for getting to know Him better…for discovering His will.

When I become sleep obsessed, I miss out on the joy of my present circumstances. I count the minutes until I can go to bed, instead of enjoying those precious minutes with my son and husband. I also miss the blessings God is providing in the midst of this sleeplessness. He has sustained me miraculously. Even when I have little sleep, I still walk through my day with sufficient energy. What a blessing!

I am once again reminded that our joy does not come from outward circumstances. Joy is something that Jesus plants deep down in our hearts. Joy comes from doing God’s will. And God always provides what is needed to do His will…sleep or no sleep. Praise the Lord!

Verses for moms

After having Daniel, I suddenly became a worrier. Objects and situations that once seemed perfectly safe to me were now the substance of my fears. I cried out to the Lord, asking how I could possibly keep my child safe from all these dangers. How can I be vigilant every moment of every day? The following verses have brought me comfort. I pray they minister to you as well!

He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. (Isaiah 40:11)

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. (James 1:5)

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:8)

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3)

God Hears

From the time I was small, my mom taught me to pray about anything and everything. She told me that Jesus wants us to cry out to Him, no matter the size or silliness of our problems. This lesson played out in living color on Sunday. Brian and I decided to get family photos taken, so we made the appointment and got ourselves ready. As we were making the one hour trip to the mall, we decided to pray for our photo session. Those of you with little ones know what a fiasco getting photos can be. First you have to find coordinating outfits. Then you have get everyone cleaned, dressed, and out the door on time. In our case, we had to drive an hour, which is pretty sketchy with Daniel. Sometimes he does fine in the car, and sometimes he screams at the top of his lungs. We also had to coordinate his feedings, so that he was in a good mood for the photos, yet not spitting up on his outfit (or anything else for that matter). So, as you can see, this whole expedition required prayer. And God certainly answered our pleas! Daniel slept the whole way to the photo studio (answer #1). When we got the mall, we had 30 minutes to spare, so I decided to nurse him before going inside. He is always in the best mood when he has a full tummy (aren't we all), so we decided to risk the spitting up for the smiles. I nursed him in the backseat of the car without mishap, but when I was burping him, he filled his diaper. Maybe I should say over-filled, because we quickly realized that some leakage had occurred. Now, I was wearing my photo clothes, which included a white shirt and khaki pants. Any stain would have shown up clear as day. Daniel, on the other hand, was not wearing his photo clothes (praise the Lord!). Fortunately, we had planned to change him when we arrived. So, as delicately as possible, I passed Daniel from the back seat of our extremely small car to the front seat where there was a little more room to change him. Somehow, we managed to get his old outfit off, get him cleaned up (poop was on his back, foot, bottom, etc.), and get his diaper changed without getting anything on the car or ourselves. We made it to the photo studio with five minutes to spare, AND Daniel smiled for the pictures without spitting up. Now, is that an answered prayer or what?
Here is another photo (taken at home without any of the above hassle). This is his first day in short sleeves. What cute arms he has!