Yikes! Those were some trying times. Daniel sure was colicky those first couple months. And to make matters worse, I was struggling with post-partum depression. It took hindsight for me to realize that post-partum depression was what happened to me. You know, things seldom look like how you think they will. I didn’t exactly feel depressed. I felt afraid of some undefined horror. As the sun went down, I could almost feel my body tensing and my mood dipping. I couldn’t sleep…even during those rare times when Daniel was slumbering. I would lie in bed with wide eyes, almost shaking, wanting to crawl out of my skin. In my mind, post-partum depression happened to people who were more emotional…less stable. Not someone like me who was a counseling student and knew all the signs of depression. How ignorant and prideful I can be.
The only things that helped was reading Scripture and having Brian and my mom pray for me. Ugh. I would much rather have gone through labor and delivery again than to suffer through those dark nights of depression. However, about three weeks after Daniel was born, it was like the fog began to lift. In addition, Daniel’s colic eased substantially within the next month. I still remember going to church for the first time after he was born. It was Easter Sunday…Daniel was six weeks old. Brian and I were so apprehensive because Daniel had rarely (if ever) gone an entire waking hour without crying. We sat off to one side of the sanctuary, hoping and praying that Daniel would do alright. The little guy did more than alright. He smiled engagingly at the choir as they walked by him. He seemed to enjoy the singing at the beginning of the service, and then he slept quite contentedly through the sermon. We were so relieved!
I am not sure why I am blogging about all this now. I know that many couples have babies with longer lasting colic than ours. And I know that some women suffer from much worse post-partum depression. But these things seemed very major to us! When I got pregnant, the Lord gave me this passage:
Isaiah 43:1-2
But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“ Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
God kept His promise. He always keeps His promises.
